4 Ways to Reframe Your Language for Bulletproof Confidence

How we speak to ourselves actually has an enormous impact on our self-esteem, confidence and belief in the possibility of what we can be, do, have and experience. When we say to ourselves “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t do this” we emotionally weigh ourselves down and put roadblocks in place that keep us stuck or worse still, going backward.

However, there are four key ways that you can start practicing how to reframe your language to remove this pressure and emotional baggage you are carrying around. Over time and with consistent practice, I can almost guarantee you will notice a clear difference in your mindset, attitude, and confidence and feel in a much more powerful position to tackle the challenges that lie ahead of you.

Our minds generate thoughts, feelings, and emotions. We know that upon hearing a hilariously funny joke, our moods and emotions can change in a split second. Conversely, we can hear some terrible news, and our heart can sink, and we feel the pit in our stomach.

Using this particular reframe brings a different perspective of the negative labels and judgments we cast upon us. To start with, a slight reframe is a good introduction to changing what we feed our mindset.

“I can’t do this” …to…. “I feel as though I can’t do this. I feel overwhelmed.”

When you state the two types of phrases, can you physically feel the difference in how the language affects you? It should be lighter.

Here we are building on the first step above.

In addition to releasing the weight of those damning ways we speak to ourselves, we now introduce possibilities to escape from that corner we’ve backed ourselves into. By asking a question, we now progress our minds to think in a more solution-focused manner.

“I’ll never be able to do that”… to ….. “I feel right now that I will never be able to do that, however, is there something I can do that can take me closer toward it?”

Note in this example that we have acknowledged that our feelings are what we are only feeling right now. Whilst all our feelings are 100% valid, they are also transient. By acknowledging this, we’ve inserted a pivot-point to now shift how we are thinking and feeling.

The next step from here is to develop the answer. We’re looking for a true and honest statement that repositions our perception and emotional experience to one which allows us to feel better. Choosing re-framing language that has personal meaning and resonates with you is essential.

Expert psychologists in mindfulness and positive psychology explain how our mind serves two functions: to a) generate thoughts and feelings and b) observe.

Instead of allowing ourselves to stay in experiencing the negative thoughts and emotions, we catch ourselves; we practice noticing that we are having those negative damning thoughts:

“I am totally hopeless at this” might then become “Hmmm….interesting that I’ve just told myself I’m hopeless at this.”

When we become the impartial observer we pause the verbal barrage unraveling us and instantly reduce the potency of the self-flagellating language.

Start developing and proactively speaking more kindly and encouragingly to yourself. Practice becoming better at rewarding yourself verbally.

If you’ve ever worked with a therapist, one of the most common things they will invite clients to do is take the perspective of the friend, or the parent who might speak to yourself as a child. Would you speak this way to your own child? What would be better words you could use here?

A great 5-minute exercise to do is reflect upon times when you have felt stronger, confident, great self-belief…. competent. What words would you use to describe how you felt? What words would you use to describe your positive attributes?

Such an exercise will likely be challenging when you’re in a negative mindset already. Look to work and speak with someone you trust and know who can help facilitate and draw these out of you.

We often fail to appreciate how powerful our minds are. Because our brains are designed to keep us safe, we often automatically and unconsciously operate in ways that keep us where we are. We stay stuck. However, with the practice of techniques such as those I’ve shown here, we train our neural pathways to look for solutions and opportunities that lead us toward our goals and aspirations.

Soon, there just won’t be enough room for negative thoughts.